Milo Update

Thankfully this has been a really good week. I won't lie, there were lots of weeks where I could not have said that. But this was a good week. Although, I don't want to jinx myself.
After we switched Milo to the new formula for his milk allergy I thought life we going to be perfect. I hoped that was going to solve all our problems. Unfortunately, the new formula caused a whole new set of problems. First, it was gross. Seriously that stuff smells horrible and it makes their diapers smell horrible too. That doesn't matter much except that Milo also thought it was gross and didn't want to eat it. He would barely eat 2 ounces at a feeding, sometimes less than that. I couldn't blame him but, I started getting stressed because he wasn't getting any nutrients. He was always hungry but then didn't want what I was offering. I kept telling myself that in a couple days he will be so starving that he will eat anything and we would be back on track. Just then he started getting this terrible diaper rash. I'm sure this is exactly what you want to be hearing about. Seriously though, it was horrible. It was like the first layer of skin was gone. Nothing I put on it would help. His poor sore bum! So, nothing was solved and lots of things were worse.

Then, we had a family get together and saw little Gavin. You remember Gavin right? Well he was just the most chill baby ever. He would sit in his little chair and coo. Milo would never do that. Milo would squirm and fuss and last for about 5 minutes just sitting there. Milo would need to be walked and bounced and swayed and patted and to try 50 million things. Gavin was just happy. That is when Scott and I realized that is how babies are. Lots of babies are just happy. As we watched Milo and Gavin in comparison it made us realize, something was wrong with Milo and the milk isn't solving it. I called that night to get an appointment with the doctor.
And, we were right. Poor Milo has acid reflux or GERD. The doc seemed a little skeptical at first and I wasn't totally sure either.  I had done some research online and he didn't necessarily have the biggest signs. What finally sold me was the realization that there are lots of times where he is crying, well, more than crying, and nothing I do helps. It seemed like he was in pain.
I almost don't think I can explain what it is like to have a baby like that.  Unless you have had a reflux baby it's hard to know what it really means. What is it to have a baby scream at you. What the reality of that is 24/7. You are trapped and you never leave the house because it is too hard on the baby. You give up even normal outings like going on walks because all he does is cry the whole time. It feels like your life is caving in on you. It feels like nothing will ever be normal again. It is daunting and depressing. The worst part is that it is almost impossible to not get frustrated with this little person but in truth you know it's not their fault. Then you feel awful for being mad at them.
I have been reluctant to tell anybody, especially the internet, about how I was really feeling. I got the sense that people thought I was complaining. I guess it sounded like I was just griping, that I didn't want to deal with a "fussy baby". There is nothing further from the truth. I wasn't wanting an out. There is nothing more that I would rather be doing!  I wanted to be the one holding him while he screamed. I wanted to try and make him better. I wanted to be the one that would try 50 million things even though none of them would work and I would have tried 50 million other things too. I wanted to be the one up at 1 am (and 4 and 6) every night with him. I wanted to be the one to stand and walk/bounce him for 5 or 6 hours every day (that is how I watched tv, standing up bouncing.) So, I stopped telling people. No one understood. Even the people that tried to understand couldn't actually.
Thankfully, he is a whole new kid. Medicine works miracles.
I have also learned some coping strategies:
First, I cut out basically everything extra in our life. This was a hard one for me. I "thought" I had done that initially but then I found that I kept scheduling things. So I for reals cut out everything. I had to get things settled before real life kicks in the fall with preschool and such. Having nowhere to go has made each day pretty simple and relaxed.
I use the swing. Milo loves the swing. Olive never did so I got out of the habit of really using it. Now, it is the only way I can get anything done. I also had to let go and just him fall asleep in there. It is the only way to survive.
I now see why there are so many gadgets and gizmos for babies. When you have a hard baby you are willing to try/buy almost anything to make it better. We turn the music on, we use the vibrate buttons, we tried every drop, trick or suggestion out there. We never turned did any of those things for Olive.  In fact I don't think her bouncer and such even had batteries in them. But we do now.
I've realized that I need more me time and I value it so much. A little break can go a very long way. 
I'm just thankful it's been a good week.